


Reasons to Not Kiss Him

by wanreina



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epilepsy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 18:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanreina/pseuds/wanreina
Summary: You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not care.





	Reasons to Not Kiss Him

**Author's Note:**

> **theme:** yes  & no - natalie wee, scorpius's feelings towards albus and why he isn't an option scorpius can pursue, second person (scorpius pov), set to daughter’s smother.

**reasons _to not_ kiss him:  
1\. you weren't raised to love tender.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not fall in love, they fall in war. They marry for power or money, to expand their territory. Your grandfather beats this into you both metaphorically and physically, the Malfoy family rests on your shoulders, on your name, if you fail, there's no one left and there must always be a Malfoy Heir. There must always be an heir because there must always be someone in the Manor and if there's no one in the Manor than the bloodline of Armand will vanish, so there must always be an heir. You are responsible for producing the heir because your mother was a failure - or so your grandfather tells you - and she only had you before she died. (You try not to think about her weak grip the moments before she died, the way her hand went limp in your own as the life was taken from her, how she would tell you about how much your father begged and pleaded that she would live, that he was fine with the Malfoy line ending with him if it only meant his wife could live.) You killed your mother, you stole her life away and they don't let you forget that. You don't really understand love. To you, love is family, love is everything. Love is someone you don't betray.

**2\. when he's around, all you do is tremble. when he's around, you want to get on your knees. look how much power he has over you. it's dangerous.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys are not weak. They do not tremble, they do not cry but when you look into those emerald green eyes, you can't help but feel dizzy and your mind races with fear, excitement, a strange feeling that you think is love, but you're scared. Malfoys do not fall in love, they fall in war. But, he isn't war, he's good and pure and something untainted by you. You don't want to break him, you don't want to hurt him. (You try not to think about your mother in her bed, dead because of you).

**3\. he's too good at forgiving, and you're too good at violence.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not protect, they are the protected. But, with him you have to be the protector. He's not good at magic, but you are and you protect him. When you lash out at him, you're angry and hurt and scared. When you're cleaning the blood off your hands - his blood, caused by your hands - you say: "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I won't ever do that again, I promise." He forgives you, and says: "I know. It's okay." He's far too good at forgiveness when it comes to you.

**4\. you know what they say about monsters. you know what happens to the boys who love them. are you going to do that to him?**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not care. "Love only your children," your grandmother warns you one day. "When you have them, you'll understand", but you don't because you know your parents loved you. If love is so wrong, then why did they give it to you. Why did your mother encourage you to love rather than hide way. You're warned about the darkness in you, how you killed your mother and how you'll kill him too when least expects it, when you least expect it. You're afraid, because you love him. You don't want to lose him, so you don't tell him.

**5\. your hands don't know how to be gentle. think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. the fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. you wolf-boy, you war machine. you wouldn't know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not love others. They love their children, as your grandmother told you. Your mother is dead and he's the only one there to help you. You lash out at him and he's still there. You're afraid of hurting him. What if you touch him and it hurts him? What if you ruin everything, like you always do?

**6\. if you hurt him, it might kill you.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not worry about the opinions of those lesser than them, but every time he makes a comment about his family, about their reactions to _you_ , you can't help but feel guilty about causing a divide between them. Sure, they have their problems but you're a big point of argument. Sometimes you wonder about your mother, about your own life. You wonder if his would be better without you in it, if he should run away now before he gets himself hurt. If you should run away and make the sacrifice.

**7\. if you hurt him, you might kill yourself.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not get scared at the possibility of hurting someone else, but when you overhear someone attacking him, you feel the fear. You hear their words, words that tell him that he's worthless, pathetic, defenseless, they tell him that he's just like you and they say vile things about you. You make them leave, how is a mystery to you but they don't come back. You hear them shout: "We'll come back when your guard dog isn't around, Potter!" And you look at him for what seems like the first time and know that it's all your fault. You will get him killed, just like you killed your mother. You make a promise to yourself that you'll kill yourself before that happens.

**8\. you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you'll fail to give up. he's going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not confront problems like romance or the possibility of losing someone. You tell yourself: get over it. He'll find someone else, you'll find someone else, you'll both be happy, separately. You don't want to lose him. You can handle losing anyone else, but not him. You can handle losing her, you can handle losing your father. It'll break you, but losing him is something you cannot and will not lose.

**9\. you still aren't sure he isn't a dream.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not dream. You still remember the small boy in the train compartment, the one with wide green eyes, too short, too uneasy. You tried to calm his fears and told him, " _Slytherin isn't all bad, y'know? My Mum and Dad were from Slytherin, they turned out okay._ " You don't know how, but he stayed and you're still wondering if you'll wake up one day and it'll be the first of September and you'll be going off to your first year of Hogwarts. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe he was just a dream.

**10\. if you kiss him, you might wake up.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not hope. If he is a dream, then you don't want to wake up. You can't wake up because you can't lose him, as we've established. You're not strong. He's more than a dream, he's your _home_. How could you live if you lost him? How could you even think about destroying him, about ruining him, about tearing him down and hurting him, bringing him into the darkness inside you and making him love you, you selfish person.

* * *

**reasons _to_ kiss him:  
1\. because he's beautiful.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not admire, and yet you do. His soul is beautiful, his mannerisms, his loyalty, his wit, his power, it's all beautiful to you and you're in awe every time he speaks. You could listen to him for hours. You don't tell him you love him until your third year when he's the only one, besides your father, to stay with you when your nightmares get bad. He's there when you have your first aura, when your body locks up and the sounds become deafening around you, when you're sick to your stomach and you just need it to be quiet, he's there to protect you just as you've protected him. He protects you from your own mind.

**2\. because he asked.**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not beg, and yet you do. You beg him to leave, to find someone else to be friends, you tell him you're not worth it and they you're cursed and that everything goes wrong around you and that he'll get hurt if he stays with you, but he refuses. He's just as stubborn as you are and he tells you that he doesn't believe any of that. He tells you that he's not going anywhere and you start to believe him.

**3\. because he preceded " _please_ " with, " _i'm not afraid of you._ "**

> You are a Malfoy. Malfoys do not believe in anything, and yet you do. You believe in you and him. You believe in your friendship, in you, him, and her. The three of you are more powerful than anything, you can overcome everything that comes your way, whether that be your own minds, your insecurities, or homicidal fugitives. You hold onto him because you know you can survive anything, if you're together.


End file.
